by concrete_jungler101

Moving to a new location, or going through any change of circumstances that results in an upheaval of your friendship group, is always a challenging – and often a painful – experience. Some people are fortunate and form a vibrant new friendship group based around neighbours, work colleagues or another friend already based in that new location. Others, however, are less fortunate and struggle to meet new people and make new friends as quickly. This could be due to any number of reasons. Perhaps this person has moved to a new location but is not in employment. A good example could be a family – mum, dad and two young children – moving to a new location because mum has got a great new job with far better career prospects. It is agreed that dad will remain at home looking after the children. Whereas previously the father had been part of a close network of parents who would meet at nursery, or simply drop by each other’s home for an hour or so, now he finds himself feeling isolated and lonely. Of course, this feeling of isolation is amplified for single parents who don’t have the benefit of time spent with their partner as a way of relieving the tedium experienced as a result of spending their time without adult companionship. The need to meet new people and make new friends of a similar age is clearly evident in this circumstance.

A further example of new-found isolation, but not caused this time by a change in location, is that which is experienced after the break-up of a long-term relationship. In this situation it is possible that friends have previously been mutually shared between both partners in the relationship. Upon separation it is hard for these mutual friends to know which side to ally with and, if one partner is supposedly at fault for the break-up of this relationship – perhaps they had an affair or the split came about at their sole request – then the mutual friends will often tend to side with the assumed innocent individual. Again it is easy to see how the other person can be left feeling lonely and isolated and in a situation where they would love to meet new people and make new friends.

Of course, isolation doesn’t have to come about as the result of a complete change in circumstances. Perhaps a person has always struggled to form friendships. This may be a result of a previous unpleasant experience and it is certainly not uncommon for an individual to struggle with forming friendships due to bullying or isolation experienced in their childhood. Low self esteem is hard to overcome and causes people to doubt themselves in circumstances where new social relationships can be formed. Negative thoughts, leading to doubts about whether other people want to spend time with them, questioning what another person really thinks about them or, indeed, what other people are saying about them behind their back can lead to individuals prohibiting themselves from engaging in new friendships or even allowing themselves to go to places where conversation with other people is expected.

An exploration of loneliness and isolation such as this inevitably leads us to a need to unpack solutions that might be available to people in these situations. In other words, how can a person who is feeling lonely and isolated make the necessary lifestyle changes that will enable them to meet new people and make new friends?

Immediate solutions are readily available in certain, specific, circumstances. For example, a lone parent may easily be able to join a local toddler-group or other childcare facility which parents are invited to attend. The local phonebook would be the obvious starting point for researching appropriate provision but community centres, local drop-in facilities and churches, mosques, temples and synagogues are all worthwhile contacting to enquire whether they offer any provision for children with their parents. Additionally, it is well worth considering whether it is actually possible to return to work as a single parent. Welfare to Work provides a routeway back to work for lone parents who may otherwise consider employment to be unfeasible, financially and otherwise. Contact your local Job Centre or provider of Welfare to Work services for further information.

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However, for other people, immediate solutions are not readily available. If an individual has always struggled to meet new people and make new friends then it is hard to find the confidence to change. And, in the vast majority of cases like this, confidence is the biggest stumbling block. A low self esteem, usually caused by thoughtless, inappropriate and often untrue comments that a person has received in the past or, alternatively, an event, circumstance or experience that an individual has lived through causes a doubt about whether they will be accepted by others or, indeed, whether they can trust others again. It would be impossible in an article such as this to alter the mindset of a person experiencing self-doubt and negative thoughts. However, it could certainly be proposed that no individual should feel incapable of forming real, lasting relationships simply because they have had negative experiences in the past. It is likely that they have never been fortunate enough to form relationships that are built on values of respect, trust and friendship that sees beyond prejudice, past actions, first impressions and stereotypes. However there are loads of people who are also looking for friendship such as this. The question, however, remains how these people meet each other and form friendships.

Whether an individual is looking to meet new people and make new friends due to a change in circumstances or isolation caused by long-term lack of confidence, there are a number of things they can do. One option could simply be attending a local pub or bar on a regular occasion. There’s no need to drink alcohol unless desired and an individual may feel disheartened if they attend a few times and don’t really converse with anyone. But sit in a central location – perhaps at the bar – keep going back regularly and maintain an open, friendly persona and it may come as a surprise how many other regulars are also attending the bar on their own, looking to meet new people and make new friends.

Another often cited opportunity for developing friendships is joining a club or society. Perhaps take the opportunity to take up a new interest or hobby or, alternatively, explore the possibility of furthering an interest or hobby that you have had in the past, exploring whether there are any local clubs and societies where you are able to meet new people and make new friends whilst participating in this interest or hobby. Local newspapers and newsletters produced by Resident Associations are both good places to look for clubs and societies associated with your hobby or interest. Alternatively the internet provides a fantastic resource and visiting a search engine such as Google (www.google.com) and inputting a search term such as “chess clubs in south London” will bring up a large number of possibilities. If you are able to travel then there will often be plentiful options. If you don’t have access to transport then your options will be more limited but there may well be a club or society to suit you. Note that it may be necessary to scroll through the pages of the results of a search engine such as Google to find relevant local websites. A club or society has the benefit of offering something active to be involved in, with the pleasant side effect of being able to meet new people and make new friends. Anybody who is looking to make friends in a subtle, easy way may well benefit from this option.

If you have access to the internet then there is one further way to meet new people and make new friends, namely through the growing number of social networking websites available. These sites allow individuals to create an account to which they can upload pictures and, often, music and video. Additionally, members can add blogs (an online journal), talk about their interests and, normally, personalise their own page. The key feature, however, is the way that users can interact on social networking websites. Not only can members access the profile pages of other members – and the various items they have uploaded or added – but, additionally, there are usually a variety of ways that members can communicate. Typically these methods include private messages, comments that are added to another user’s page and are visible by everybody, instant messenger facilities, public chatrooms and forums. Most social networking sites operate a buddy system where you are able to search for other people and select them as buddies. The other party typically has the option to accept or decline requests such as these. This offers a powerful ability to meet new people and make new friends. Many sites offer the opportunity to search by the location of other members or use a facility to find other members who are interested in similar things. It is easy to see how sites like these can provide a lifeline for people who are, perhaps, feeling lonely and isolated as well as for people who simply want to expand their social network. There are obvious safety concerns and individuals need to be particularly careful about adding personal information to these sites, monitoring children using these sites and, especially, be extremely careful about meeting people who they have met online. Having said that, these sites (if used carefully and correctly) can provide an initial meeting point for people who go on to meet and form lasting relationships of every kind.

One site that fits in the category of social networking is Get Sharing (www.getsharing.com). I need to add the disclaimer that I founded this website and therefore speak from a biased viewpoint. However, I would suggest that Get Sharing provides a perfect way for people to meet new people and make new friends. The site offers all the normal features, including customisable profile pages, the option to upload photos, music and videos, the ability to add blogs, gadgets and various other features and, of course, loads of opportunities to interact with other people – private messages, comments, instant messenger, forums and more! Additionally, Get Sharing offers an innovative feature that enables users to add interests to their profile for which they get a completely separate profile page. Not only does this mean that users can add blogs, photos, videos etc that are specifically related to that interest but other members can search for interests that are relevant to their own hobbies and, accordingly, find other Get Sharing users who are interested in similar things. Indeed, there is a feature in development that will automatically link interest profiles together if they are similar. It is easy to see how this will enable people to meet new people and make new friends who share similar hobbies and interests. Indeed, I would suggest that anybody with an internet connection should feel enabled to meet new people and make new friends through Get Sharing and sites like it.

This article is, in no way, written to downplay any feelings of loneliness and isolation. These feelings are, after all, very real and can further issues regarding self-esteem and self-doubting. However, if you are looking to meet new people and make new friends, for any reason, then I hope that some of the strategies outlined above will be useful.

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